How the Light Gets In
Two weeks have passed, so I can neither remember what my eldest daughter had been fussing about, nor why my response had been to stomp back the hallway and slam the washer door.
When her behavior did not change, I told her to go to her room. We sat on her bed, and I told her why she needed to learn emotional control.
Then I had a flashback to me slamming the washer door.
The force of it had been particularly satisfying until I heard my girls say, in the living room, “What’s that?”
Tears now stung.
I looked down at my daughter. I held her tighter and kissed her hair. “Remember when you heard Mommy slam the washer door?” She nodded. “Well, that wasn’t right. I need to learn emotional control, too. How about we learn together?”
She sniffled and smiled. Even while holding her, I could see how fast this time would go. How fast she would transition from playing dress-up in my clothes to being able to wear them.
I wept as I prayed for her, and for us. And then, a still, small voice whispered in my heart:
This is discipleship.
Vulnerability. Accessibility. Accountability. Compassion.
The foundation of discipleship was built on these cornerstones, and I could suddenly see how I’d been entrusted with the care of our three little girls so I could learn how to minister to women.
The three facets of my life—family, writing, ministry—weren’t separated into streams like I’d thought but flowed together into one rushing torrent: What I learn at home can be used in my writing; what I learn through my writing can be used to minister to someone at the grocery store.
How the Light Gets In releases today: The story I wrote after my husband and I moved from our farm in Wisconsin back to Tennessee and entered the hardest season of our marriage. It’s my most vulnerable, accessible story to date because, though my life’s timeline doesn’t resemble Ruth’s, I have experienced many of the emotions she has also faced.
I cannot fully explain what has happened in my heart over these past two years, but the greatest lesson I have learned is this: broken people, when faced with love, either push too hard or pull away. But when we accept the love offered by the Light, Jesus, it allows us to love perfectly despite our brokenness because we find that our imperfections are made whole through Him.
My friends, let’s learn to love each other perfectly. Not through our own strength, for we will surely fail, but through the strength of the only One who is without fault.
Much love and prayers for the journey,
Jolina
