I Know Just How You Feel
As I plodded through the sleepless period of my newborn daughter’s life, the greatest kindness was when other mothers reached out and told me that they had been there, too; that they knew what it was like to count down seconds until dawn, to watch darkness creep over the mountainside and shudder at the phantom prospect of sleep, to dread the startled cry that caused us to glance at the digital red numbers on the clock to see how much time had passed and praying, hoping, that it had been a few hours and groaning when it was not. Last week I put my four-and-a-half month old daughter’s pink, palm-sized onesies and duck pattered sleepers with elfin feet into containers and stacked them in the guest room closet until they can be stored. Descending the steps, I looked into the living room and saw that my daughter had fallen asleep on her tummy time mat. As I continued to stare in awe as she continued to rest with her little back rising and falling and her thumb corked in her rosebud mouth, I realized that with the passage of time what had once been a battle was now transformed into an effortless gift.
If we will only support each other, with words and with deeds, imagine what a beautiful life we could conjure forth.
How have you allowed your life trials to help you empathize with others?
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ninabadzin.com
I love that attitude of using things as a teaching tool. You're part of the club now–not a newbie anymore either! Now you get to pass on advice to others. We always so we won't, right, but it's impossible to resist sometimes!
Jolina Petersheim
Whew, boy. I still feel SO much like a newbie, Nina, but that doesn't mean I don't give out advice! 😉 My very close friend just had a baby, and I started giving her all these breastfeeding tips. I do believe I overwhelmed the dear girl. I guess I was just trying to pass on what the Lactation Consultant did to me.
cynthiarobertson
It’s truly a wondrous moment/milestone when a baby begins to settle in and sleep through the night. So happy for you, Jolina.
I saw a nature show a few days ago about a band of elephants. A young first time mother in the group was struggling to adjust to having an infant to watch over and care for, and all the older more experienced mothers lent little helps along the way to assist the youngest mother with her herculean task.
Watching it I was amazed by nature’s wisdom, and the sisterhood of motherhood, that crosses the boundaries of borders, and even species. Being a mom really is the most important job in the world.
Jolina Petersheim
I want to see that show, Cynthia! It sounds wonderful. I am entirely convinced that we were meant to band around new mothers and support them until they get the handle on things. I believe this so wholeheartedly that one day I would like to become a post-partum doula who goes in and cooks, cleans, takes care of the new mommy and baby. Of course, I have to get adjusted myself, though. 🙂 And I completely agree that motherhood is the most important and BEST job in the world. What a beautiful gift it is!
Julia Munroe Martin
This is so true, Jolina — ever since my children were born, I've always been so interested and curious to talk to parents who are “a few steps ahead” from where I am. It's been so comforting and helpful to talk to them. Not just to see what's coming but to, as you say, seek that support and comfort. So important for all stages of motherhood and such a special bond we share. If I've brought any small comfort or reassurance to you — I'm so glad! Because I agree, imagine what a beautiful life we could conjure forth with the support we give. Beautifully said!
Jolina Petersheim
Oh, you have been such a support, Julia! I remember how you used to check in on me from time to time in my pregnancy, just to see how things were going. So sweet of you! And it was so good to be reminded to cherish the fleeting baby times, for Adelaide has already grown and changed so much. I want to continue to cherish this time and continue seeking mothering advice from those who have done it successfully, like you and MEH have! (By the way, I read Blueberries with Sal all the time to Addie; I just switch out Sal's name for Addie's. She loves it! Grins from ear to ear.)
Susie
To answer your question, absolutely I have. RA. Enough said. 🙂 Enjoy your rest, All-Pro Mommy!
Jolina Petersheim
You have used RA in such an astounding way, Susie. You are a true example of strength and determination. So, in my book, you are the All-Pro Mommy. My apron's off to you! Xxoo
Melissa Crytzer Fry
Another gorgeous post, friend. Poetic: “If we will only support each other, with words and with deeds, imagine what a beautiful life we could conjure forth.” SO happy you're getting some sleep, yourself, these days!
Jolina Petersheim
O, Sleep! Thou art my friend! 😉 I have gotten eight hours of sleep for the past two nights, and I buzz around here like one of your hummingbirds. It's amazing! I feel SO energized, and I believe that the sleep- deprived state of my life is finally behind me. At least until I have another little'un. Shew.
CMSmith
I'm really enjoying reading your experience as you retrace the steps I walked so many years ago. You have so much to offer her. She's one lucky little girl.
Jolina Petersheim
Thank you, Christine! It is unbelievable how quickly the steps continue to unfold as we walk them. I am glad I have these posts to look back on and to remember how far we have come. Xx
Natalia Sylvester
I'm so glad to hear you're getting more sleep these days, Jolina! I can't say I've had much advice (at my sister's baby shower, I lost the diaper changing game!) but it's been wonderful to see pictures of you and Adelaide these past months, seeing all the happiness that each new day brings. I know that my husband and I won't be trying to start a family for a couple of years, but I am very excited for when that day finally comes, and seeing the tender moments you've experienced adds to my own excitement 🙂
Jolina Petersheim
I am so glad it helped in your own excitement, Natalia, for your gentle nature will make you a GREAT mom. Sometimes I worried that my posts would freak prospective mamas out, but at least they were VERY honest. And now that hard stage is over, and it is almost entirely forgotten. I wouldn't trade even the difficult moments for all the hours of sleep in the world.
sarah k
I certainly think motherhood ushers us into a fellowship of moms sharing the trials together–that's a beautiful thing. As long as we don't dig opposing trenches in the mommy wars and think our solution is the only one, of course–that's something I was guilty of in my first couple of years as a mom. I hope I'm not guilty of it now, but I'm sure it's always possible…
For me, the last couple of years have brought struggle and sorrow so deep that I cannot see any good in it except, perhaps, that I can now empathize with people who are walking in darkness more than I ever could in the past. I am learning that once you've experienced deep pain and long silence from God, you may not have any answers but when you meet another person who is going or has gone through the same, your eyes fill with tears. I no longer feel the strong impulse to give other people answers or profound insights–I just want to stand beside them and let them know I'm there.
Jolina Petersheim
Hi, Sarah,
Thank you for sharing such an intimate journey. Your words were full of such wisdom: “As long as we don't dig opposing trenches in the mommy wars and think our solution is the only one.”
I also loved how you said that now you do not have any advice to share; you just want to stand beside someone who has gone through a smiliar battle and just let them know they are not standing alone. What a gift that is!
Hugs to you!
Jo