The Lost Art of Hospitality
Over two and a half years ago, my two friends and I were welcomed into the home of a missionary couple who lived in England. We had spent almost a week in London, living on soggy tuna sandwiches, traversing the underground, wiping soot from our noses, and sleeping fitfully on the floor of a woman’s flat.
Therefore, when this couple—who none of us knew very well—bestowed upon us such hospitality I have never experienced before or since, I was almost weepy with gratitude.
The first night, they allowed us to sample some of the local cheeses (stinking bishop, anyone?), along with black grapes and gourmet crackers arranged on a crystal tray. We then ate a hot, delicious meal off of antique silver and wiped our mouths on linen napkins. Their home was modest—the walls white and thick—yet accented with the most exquisite relics from yesteryear.
The couple had positioned, next to our beds, a little dish of chocolates. Everything in the dwelling, it seemed, had been arranged to accommodate our stay and to please the aesthetic eye.
Honestly, when I learned we were staying with missionaries, I wondered if we girls would be allowed to wear pants and imagined we would be sleeping on the floor like a stack of cordwood covered with scratchy sheets.
Instead, these missionaries had taken it upon themselves to lavish love upon waifish strangers who could offer almost nothing in return.
In three days, they took us on a grand tour: Shakespeare’s home and gardens, the Rosings, Burghley House, Lincolnshire, where a portion of the 2005 version of Pride & Prejudice had been filmed; we sat in the sunshine, dining on cream tea in the Cotswolds, and curled up at their home—after sampling the quintessential UK fare of fish and chips, of course—and watched BBC’s version of Pride and Prejudice.
Those three days were the highlight of my trip, as we discussed art, love, religion, and everything in between. The missionaries lived frugally and simply, as any missionary must, and yet—they lived beautifully, too.
In those three days, they taught us miserly penny pinchers–who had eaten soggy tuna fish sandwiches instead of London’s touted curry because we didn’t want to spend another five-pound note–how to live beautifully as well.
Now, whenever I fill a dish with foil-wrapped chocolates, wrap my daughter in a plush towel, eat a good paring of cheese, arrange a wildflower bouquet on my table, make myself a cup of tea in the evenings, I think of that generous missionary couple: a definition I thought was a necessary contradiction before.
They changed our lives by opening their homes and opening our eyes to the beauty of the world around us. Their hospitality was a priceless gift: one which I hope my family can also extend to road waifs who can offer us almost nothing in return.
Do you think hospitality is becoming a lost art? If so, how do we revive it?
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Diana Blair Revell
Yes–unless someone calls attention to hospitality and points out, in detail, what is pleasing…as you just did. Someone once told me that the best way to decide what might be truly guest-worthy is to spend time in the guest room, and then pretend that you are the guest in the household. I try to do that now at least once a year. Then I think back on what might have been the best treatment afforded as a guest, myself. I come up with all sorts of things. Thank you for posting this.
jolina
That is a fantastic idea, Diana; I love it and will try to do that myself. Plus, always an excuse for some R&R, right? 🙂
Melanie Backus
Jolina, I loved your post. I certainly think gracious hospitality is going by the wayside and that is such a shame. Whether we are opening our homes to friends or loved ones or traveling strangers, we should always be thankful and gracious. I think people are falling down on their teachings of such. We never know who may cross our paths but we need to always remember that we must treat people as we, ourselves, would want to be treated.
jolina
Sounds like you are doing all you can to bring hospitality back, dear Melanie, and thus, the world needs more people like you! Thank you for stopping by! 🙂
Julia Munroe Martin
What a lovely story — it reminds me of my trip across the country when bloggers I’d never met in person opened their homes to me as a weary traveler. It was wonderful to know someone could be so hospitable and kind. I absolutely love the idea of being able to be hospitable, too — and hope that those I take in would remember it as fondly as you (and I) do!
jolina
I have never heard that story, Julia–sounds like a short story in the making. What a unique experience! My best friend and another friend continued to travel overseas after I returned home from the UK. They used couchsurfing.com and had an incredible experience. 🙂
Nina Badzin
I LOVED this post! What a great and moving story. Just the simple point about these people who gave expecting nothing in return is so rare.
Jolina Petersheim
Thank you, Nina–always a pleasure to see you here! And I agree: these people are truly one in a million.
Katherine Scott Jones
Interesting that this is the third blog post on hospitality I’ve read in the last week! I would hate to think that the art of hospitality is dead…but I do think it gets easily lost in the hurry hurry of modern life. Gracing others with hospitality requires a slower pace. It’s a choice we’re faced with daily. Many times, we choose to stay hurried and therefore forfeit the opportunity to either give or receive hospitality. Which is too bad. Both parties are losing out. That said, I also believe it’s important for young mothers, especially, to give themselves a season of grace wherein they do not expect too much from themselves in terms of extending hospitality. This is their season for allowing themselves to be more on the receiving end rather than the giving. When their children are older, there will be ample opportunity for them to return again to a more continual posture of hospitality.
jolina
Ah, great point, Katherine! Since Miss A’s birth, I’ve definitely found that my art of hospitality involves good, homemade food on throw-away plates. We’ve got to find a compromise somewhere, right? 🙂
Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com
It sure is. One I need to learn to work on. Great post!
Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com
I try to keep note of things I appreciate when I’m a guest so I can implement it into my home.
Jolina Petersheim
Love this, Juju! I need to do that as well. Thanks for visiting, friend!