Conquering Fear In An Unsettled World
Our toddler began screaming the instant our minivan entered the darkened tunnel of the car wash.
Her head thrashed from side to side, as she tried to anticipate the monster’s assault.
Eyes welling, she was on the verge of really cutting loose when my husband batted his hand against the glass, where the “monster” was reaching out its tentacles, and laughed.
“Silly!” he said. “That’s so silly!”
He did this over and over again: as the water sprayed and foam splattered, as the gigantic mop head dragged across the top of the vehicle like a mutant spider, as the dryer howled.
Our toddler smiled, though tears stilled pooled in her eyes.
She extended her dimpled hand toward the glass and laughed. She started saying, “Silly! Silly!”
The irrational fear had lost its power and, watching her, I saw a picture of myself.
I am especially susceptible to irrational fear after the birth of a child. My newborn looks at our world through such unsullied eyes, and I want to keep her and her older sister from being exposed to pain.
Hence, this week’s far-from-silly headlines have caused me to thrash from side to side, trying to anticipate our world’s next monstrous assault.
Determined to conquer fear, as I do not want my children to learn from my example, I traced the tentacles back to their root and realized that my fear comes from lack of control over death.
I want to know my children will live long enough to grow old. I want to know they will die happy and warm, with their own children, and their children’s children, holding hands around their beds.
And yet I cannot know this.
And it’s the “not knowing” that makes me feel so desperate. That causes me to scan headlines and read articles and scour grocery carts with sanitizing wipes and glower at people who dare cough within a hundred feet of my newborn child.
My best friend was in town this week to help me pack, and I asked how she conquered fear, for she stared death in the face when she was diagnosed with cancer at only twenty-two years old.
“I didn’t dwell on it,” she said, using a freckled finger as a placeholder in her book. “Fear did nothing to increase my quality of life.”
She was in the midst of reading C.S. Lewis’ autobiography, and she reminded me of everything he had gone through in his life: losing his mother to cancer when he was a young boy, marrying in middle age only to lose his wife, Joy, to the same dreaded disease.
Without facing hardships, C.S. Lewis wouldn’t have been a writer of such range and depth. Without having faced hardships of her own, my best friend wouldn’t be able to counsel me about life.
Therefore, if my children live lives exempt of hardship like this mama heart wishes, they will not have the same depth of character as those who have walked rockier paths.
So I must trust God to give me wisdom to raise these beautiful daughters of mine into women who do not fear the unknown, but embrace life . . . regardless if it’s a journey of hardship or ease.
Have you ever struggled with fear? How did you overcome it?
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Melissa Crytzer Fry
Beautiful post, Jolina. Such a poignant reminder that fear does not serve us — easier said than done, this banishing of fear — especially, as you say, when the headlines read as they do.
jolina
Banishing fear is definitely easier said than done, Melissa, especially when I’m a fearful person. But I’m going to try. 🙂
Julia Munroe Martin
As the mom of two young adults, I’ll tell you that I still struggle with the fear (as I’m guessing your mom is as you set out on your big move). I know exactly what you mean by this >> “if my children live lives exempt of hardship like this mama heart wishes, they will not have the same depth of character as those who have walked rockier paths.” But there are still times that my heart wishes I could hold them safe and sound. Forgive me if I’ve told you this before, but as my great grandmother used to say: “to be a mother is to watch your heart live outside your body.” Hang in there Jolina. Sending hugs and strength. xox
jolina
I absolutely love that quote, Julia, and I agree completely. My mother would agree with it, too, as she is fearful concerning our big move away from our family. We just must love each other as fiercely as we can for as long as we can. Hugs to you, my friend. Your children are blessed to have you as their mom.
Julia Munroe Martin
Yes! And thank you — you are so sweet! And I’d return the compliment — and add that your mother is lucky to have you as a daughter. Take care and can’t wait to hear about the adventures ahead!
Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com
OMG call it mama bear instincts or blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but it’s a scary world we’re bringing these babies into and sometimes it freaks me out too. I am so glad to hear I’m not alone. ‘Cause trust me I’m so right there with you. Ebola and the impending flu season scare me. Especially when their itty bitty newborns. Just like you I just want them to be safe. But you’re right. We have to fight fear. We have to show them, by example, that even when fear barks at us, we pray and we press on.
Lovely post sugar.
jolina
It is indeed a scary world, Juju, and I’m also glad I’m not alone in my fears. Let’s be strong for our babies, so they can live by our example. Hugs to you, friend; I pray you’re given supernatural peace during the next few months of your pregnancy.